Thursday, July 9, 2009

Excavating Self

The new apartment has been full for a week. Truck loads have gone away
every day since and still i sit among assorted items, alone.

My mind settles on the phrase " the evils of excess and comfort".
I don't own my things they own me. I have been enslaved to the inanimate objects, an unknowing captive, pinned down by photographs, chastised by clothes, flattered by footwear.
The lamps have lied to me.

Now, only darkness and emptiness soothes the pain.

Tomorrow is the day of reckoning. One last truck load. I'm renting a big truck, again. I want it done.
I come from a long line of collectors, scavengers and deal makers. None of it matters! Trust me, I am not depressed. I stand at the final page of a chapter, I am ready to turn.
But not just yet. Tonight I sit at the old apartment surrounded by boxes and bags and the truly miscellaneous.

Of all the things it is letting go of the books that has been the hardest. They have been my hope ,my escape and my teachers. And then there is the rocks. Why did I start collecting rocks? Ah yes, they told stories and shared different kinds of energy. They taught lessons quickly, how to read and feel history as well as the future... Farewell friends. What I have required I have received. Thank you...


  1. Good Morning Golden,
    I just finished my TPP breathing. Wow!
    I experienced much more. Those audios on The Presence Portal's (Questions and Answers)
    "How We Breath" are so very helpful. What a difference in the quality of my session this morning. Be sure to check it out OK?
    remembering back I always learned so much better through demonstration. When i was listening to those audios It was like my consciousness was being calibrated. Very Cool!
    I also remembered this morning, being with the breath, the little girls frustration and anger. Well, glad MB stays so involved in 'the work'. I really appreciate the gift of the free audios.

  2. Top of the mornin' to ya! And, I was just saying, wow, what a beautiful reflection on you! It's so 'import'ant to see our beauty and growth reflected too! I feel so inspired by your example. I, like you, have collected so many treasures along my journey... so rich in meaning and symbolism, I love how you say "Bye -Bye Thank You friends!" The love energy will always remain huh? (some of that oldy-time stuff does have some weird energy though huh?)
    I'm with you Sistah! The past week I feel that my dedication to cleaning out my inner temple of my little parasitic paramours is really going well, I feel so much lighter! Yippy!
    Today I am going to look at a little cottage in the country, we shall see, I'm right behind ya on the letting it all go!

    I feel so deeply that 'The Work ' is the most important gift given from God to the world on this timeline and it blows me away how deep the well of grateful tears is...really and truly, in the past 10 months I have had to pull over onto the side of the road to weep all these grateful tears...we are so deeply loved Suzette. :)

  3. What very nice letters to recieve from you today!... I just said to 17 year old Rebekah ,"If this stuff all caught fire would not be up set. She said if everything in our new apt caught fire,"I wouldn't be up set." hahaha
    She goes off to college next year 4.6 hpa. Brilliant child her dream is to get a sailboat and find a remote island. The family says I have ruined her. Just glad she appreciates the experiences that will keep her balanced throughout life.

    Anyway I think Marie may have broke a law today. The teen boys said, " aaah come on once in a life time chance to be a jackass without skates." Marie can be such a softy. She loaded them in the empty truck and drove like a nut. Ya never saw such grins when the back was opened. I told her you can be so irresponsible!
    Well maybe she'll integrate one day and not be so darn foolish. Well we are still loading.
    TaTa for now Golden.

  4. I woke a 4 am this morn thinking about of all things 'parasitic paramours".
    Those words stop me in my tracks.It seems there is something for me to integrate here.Why does it seem that the brightest of lights are sought out by insidious darkness?Just being in the same room with certian people seemed to tap out my vital energy. This is a scary, sad topic for me.
    Not until recently did I realize that people are limited by there own level of consciousness or integration. So a person who is needy and irreverant of life especially their own would be a natural user and project their limited awareness on to others(me).
    I have experienced this over and over again.
    My lack of integration of self and understanding has caused me to do the same.
    I assume people are loving and good and well intending. Big perceptual error here. This idea has been especially deeply rooted because one of my ways of managing my comfort zone was to change reality. To lie to myself. This world seems off. Mom and Dad are not mature responsible or stable. So i feel terminal fear. i decide to change the script. I'll be the one that is wrong and crazy so those in my world can seem right and I then can feel safe.

    You can imagine how this technique has kept me OUT for decades. How very sad...About several years ago I asked Mother Mary to help me 'see'
    the truth. That she did. It is so comforting to be able and willing to see what is. I started to become aware of many ways I gave my power away. Trust me people have no problem taking it. So you say 'parasitic paramours' and sadly i feel it has defined a good part of my life. Nature has taught me that our eyes and focus must be clear and grounded in the light of truth, integrity and love, self love.

    One day I stopped to observe tthis beautiful orange butterfly sitting on the ground. The other orange butterfly was doing a mesmerizing dance about a foot above. The grounded butterfly was captivated by the dance. Then a very large lizard came out from a bush, unnoticed by them it paused to look me in the eye.
    Then it rushed over to engulf the body of the butterfly on the ground. The beautiful wings jetted out from each side of the lizards mouth. So much for being in the wrong place at the wrong time or just being OUT any time.
    Can be fatal.

    After all that I ask, " If the outer world reflects what is within or needing to be integrated, what are MY internal 'parasitic paramours'?"

    The small cottage in the country sounds charming. Does it have a outhouse? or flush toilets?
    i always thought the process of getting to and surviving the outhouse was very intresting.
    First ya got to get dressed, get a flash light, grab some tp incase, examine the seat for scorpions or black widows and finally pray for Gods grace and protection...

    Just think of all that we miss in regard to the modern conveniences!

  5. I truly 'Deeply' feel ya on all you share here!Too funny bout' the outhouse! The cottage is set in the most amazing landscape, field after field of wildflowers...amazing! Very small but with bathroom, no tub! My Sister said driving home that although it would put a fire under my bottom to get rid of my 'stuff' and was really lovely in many ways, she felt it would be a side step away from my true path and that she felt I was being 'lured' there...I am feeling as if perhaps I am looking for a 'geographical cure' and will be with what is and move forward on the straight and narrow and keep asking questions.

    The lizard symbolizes a transformation of consciousness, so cool how the one on the ground got eaten up and the one that was on higher ground did not, I know the 'mental' plane is not higher ground, but awakening to 'what' we truly are is huh?

    Thanks for sharing!

  6. Your sis sounds so right on. And your awareness about the 'geograpgical cure' i completely understand. I have done that too many times. Sometimes I think tying one self down to anything is the old way. Then i remember our Standing Tree friends. Deeply rooted into our Mother they give us the perfect breath. Steadfast are they in their divine work. As i get older and more settled in Spirit I am opening to the teachings of the trees again. And I think finding soil to allow my roots to go deeper in during the remainder of this Earth Walk maybe the directive, we shall see, huh?
    Still at the sorting and releasing. Feeling the Love. good day Golden.