Monday, June 29, 2009

Oh my God,
I have found her... on the inside,.. the little one.

Heart and Soul Thrift Shop

There were bells on the door. I like that. It's like being pre-announced.
I move through the store not really knowing what I am looking for,
however driven by this longing, this ancient longing. A pointed piece of metal with
a wooden handle. It feels right in my hands. I can't put it down. A most important tool but exactly what it is I do not know. Engraved near the handle I see the word CHALLENGE.
I think it must be a giant ice pick. I chuckle,"That's about the size I'll need for the block that keeps my heart."

Lovely hats, feather hats that a fine lady would wear. "Yes, That will do."

AHHH a fabulous blue gown from Romania. "You don't ever really go formal..."
I question my sudden fanciful dream. I am dressed in the gown with ruffles to the floor,
reckless, riveting ,ruffles... Right On!

Then I find what I have been looking for. It is a key, 'the key to my heart'.
I hold it in my hand,.. touch it with my fingers. Tears come to my eyes. I know its mine.
I wonder what kind of man I would give this key to. I can't answer that. I have no idea.
That makes me sad. "One day I will know the answer," I console my trembling self.

I pay for the items, "This is a huge ice pick!" She says it is a sharpening steel.
I wonder what story it has to tell me.

I run across the key every now and again, "Will I ever meet him?... To whom does this key belong?"
Presence smiles knowingly into my eyes. Today I smile back, the key pressed firmly into my own hand. Yes, my own hand, it's rightful owner. How could it be any other way?

Now I ask, "If I unlock and open my hearts door, will we go in and stay?"

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Healing Path * Illness The Greatest Teacher

In 2001 I became very sick. I was weak and my bones hurt and I was cold all the time.
I had a health challenge. It took me days and several conversations with God before I realized It was not my time yet. So I said somewhat boldly, " Well, if I have anything to do with my healing then I am going to have EVERYTHING to do with my healing." So I made a call to warring family members and said," I'll keep you in my prayers but I can't be involved with this anymore. I am healing and stress is not good for me." After I hung up the phone with them was the first time I realized one of the gifts of illness. Humm , I am on a roll now,"Kids I love you but I can't put you first anymore, nope. It's got to be ME first. If I'm not well how can I take care of you?" And for the first time my then spouse heard the roar of a fearless lioness, " Don't YOU ever come in here and complain about my juicing mess! That is my medicine. .." I started taking occasional trips with elder women. I started listening more to my self, to my body and to nature. I learned to become still and listen. I learned where I was living a lie and it became a priority to live in truth. The layers of unconsciousness peeled away slowly , sometimes painfully. My illness brought me to my healing path. There were times I would ask myself, "Do you want to be healed?" I knew I was healing and I was learning and growing. The symptoms were guideposts that were replaced by good energy and joy and a deep sense of peace. I was not ready to be completely healed. I was learning so much and felt better than ever before. No I wasn't ready to say goodbye to my teacher and my friend, yet... I did eventually with heart felt gratitude.

Later I worked regularly on very sick people. I was asked,"How do you handle that?"
I remember saying, "Illness is like clothing or eye color, when I touch a body I see past their illness into their wholeness, into their center where All is Well... That's what I dance to."
Sometimes I see that people identify themselves with their sicknesses, boasting almost about their loads of medicines and procedures. Hope I never get into that trap.

Illness is temporary( most everything is). It arrives to motivate and inspire and to help forge the iron of you Being.
Yeah, It can be scary if you do not realize its true purpose. Sometimes we have to nearly lose something before we know how precious it is. I am so grateful for my fire and my breath and my beautiful (sometimes wild and crazy) brain. I am also grateful for "The Presence Process" helping me to go deeper into my Heart and to Listen and Contain. It reveals my new guide and teacher, my Self... the awesome Divinity within.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Like an Angel

It's storming this morning. Our first night back the cats sleep patterns are all wiggy. Ma slept with me in my bed last night. This morning she said,"that cat is a pain in the ass, I didn't sleep at all night."
I said, "you slept some of the night cause you were snoring. " She fell right back to sleep. She's really tired. When I look over at her I see her waves of silver. She is like an angel when she is sleeping, so still and peaceful and quiet. When she is sleeping she is not trying to teach and inform and fix. And so for the first time in days I look upon this body and see a precious soul not needing anything, not giving anything, just being. It's times like this that i remember and feel how very deep my love for her is. So i linger there flowing with her silver and her Self, feeling that love, treasuring this quiet deep moment for soon she'll wake and i'll become cast in a story i didn't agree to and I'll start watching the wind as it moves through the trees and soon her voice will become a distant drone, that intuitively i know will require conscious attention. So I'll 'get with the program' and have gratitude for the messenger and the mirror and over tea we will laugh.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Swamp People and Medicinal Tea.

This is our friend the Swamp Man.
He built his house out of fallen Cypress.
The kitchen cabinets have Cypress knees for handles.
He's got lots of stories and lots on energy .
He drinks this mushroom tea several times a day!
It tastes awful.

Here we are at cypress swamp.
It's about 102 degrees.
No one here uses A C or deodorant.
They are all very healthy.
They make tea from Turkey tail (below).
It has pores not gills underneath.

This is called Ganoderma. Grows on decaying Oaks.
This one is the most potent.

These Swamp People are very kind and interesting with lots of weird habits.
They all play several musical instruments and have jam sessions under the stars.
They live very close to the Mother.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

i hope i dont regret this

In the house of stone and Light. That is agood song I really like it gut I dont understand why the pc is playing it... Well  I having tea the swamp people helped me collect it. Medicinal 'Ganoderma'
(DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME! unless supervized by a witchdoctor or a shman or the swamp people,) It tastes like turpentine. Ans I got double vision while i was reading. That not suppose to happen but i feel REAL good! I got pics of the shrooms and also a deluightful traet 'snakeroot' pickled omg crunchy good . Tried to uploan pics but this is a mac compu cant find anything...
my kid said after reading this you sound like a loon dont post that. Wisdom maybe but sombody  will get something out of this message.i feel good REAL good. Geezei hope i dont have to pick up a white  hip. tomorrow.THIS i MEDICINAZAL shit.. i cant post this. I am laughting because i feel good and WE DONT KNOW HOW just is!!!

That fallen tree decay ahd grow fungi. Doent mater form life is life is light.
suppose to dilute i dirnk 2 oz.

Ma has 2 live scorpions i watched one in an open container. put anant in there felt alikttle quitly but the ant really got the scorp motivated and eventually got freed. i bet i someones playlist I would book mark but ma says nnoooooo! She thinks it'l messu p up the pc she is computed illeterate , pretty sure cant talk me too but i learning ( not with the speed of starlight but with the help of starpeople) ugh guess this does look a bit crazy but i call it roarshack typing spose to be thareputic. and inlightning. Well i going into a container like mb sugests. probably done that 20 min ago cause then i would'n be xpoxse me aas a loon 

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Fathers Day Note * *

To my Heavenly Father,

I wanted you to know that I can feel you these days. It's like you are smiling down on me. Doesn't seem to matter the pickles I find myself in, every time I fall to my knees you are there. I have climbed a few mountains, been battered by some turbulent seas.. Still you are here. How can one love something they cannot see? When I am looking I see you everywhere. Everything that has ever happened in my life has been perfect for my growth. And as I empty myself out I fill with your gentle, loving spirit. Yes, I feel you and I love you.

Eternally yours,
Suzette Marie

In The Dark Of Night

I see excessive alcohol consumption can act like a truth serum. Well, at least the truth about what the Alcoholic is actually feeling. When it gets devilherd (often to those closest) it is like a really bad smell emanating from the piles of historical crap in the basement.

One thing people do not realize with me is that I am quite capable in dealing with such outbursts. No, it is not pleasant for me but I have had decades in this life dealing with nasty abusiveness. My storm shudders are already installed. Want to make me cry? Tell me some kind and sincere words. For that I have no defense.

So it was, not with amazement but familiarity that I transcended the emotional stirrings of what was being said last night to realize and say,” You know the alcohol is taking over. You have a Jeckle/Hide personality when you are drinking heavily. It seems to me there is part of your consciousness that should be able to recognize this before things get really ugly.”
And I saw in her eyes for a brief second, those words received. The night was soon over so was any illusion.

Later in bed that night I thought about all that I had learned in Michael Brown’s book, “The Presence Process.” I thought, ”Wow Suz you have really matured.” I felt in my bones and in my self a very strong resolution. Yes, after traveling with and through the emotional and ‘feeling’ it I felt my strength and health return to me and I was pleased.

Friday, June 19, 2009

The Fallen Tree

The Fallen Tree

I arrived. She said, “We lost a tree in yesterdays hail storm. It was like a mini Hurricane.”

The words dispersed into air not really reaching me. As I sat by the lake later that afternoon on the floating dock I was serenaded by a red winged blackbird and I was reminded of my ancient song. Yeah… you know the one that gives life. Ahhh, good timing to remember that. With little warning I feel life force drain from me. “This is required,” I know you told me that already.

Well I looked over and saw a Grand Oak lying on the ground, half its roots broken. It is still alive; a little traumatized but still connected to the Mother,

I just stared into its center. They are called ‘Standing People.’ To see one is this compromised position, well it hit home. Struck me hard, it did. I remembered that in the past the trees brought down during the storms seemed to live on half roots. So …So?

Uncle said during dinner he’ll have it chopped and removed. I pleaded for the trees life. “It’s still alive. It will live. Plus, I have identified with that tree,” I said in earnest.

“Well, go find another tree to identify with” he said. And I knew there was some kind of wisdom in that statement... But tonight I cried at the thought of that tree being ripped up and hacked apart. “No wait I’m not finished yet!” my heart cringed. And all I can FEEL is me in that tree and that tree in me just trying to hang on after years of being willing to let go. Now I am hanging on because it’s not time yet, “It is not my time yet.”

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Strong Woman

If I were facing the other direction I'd be seeing Miami skyline and Biscayne Bay. I did spend many long moments looking at that Miami Scene but duty called me back to attention, my orders to capture my sister's valiant efforts in an early morning triathlon. So there I stood my love and devotion for sis filtering through a lens of a digital camera. I started to get pressure in my head and a lump in my throat. Kinda reminded me of the feeling I get when I am giving my Self over to a version of the story. Alas, I counseled myself, "You are documenting her story, her newer story." And I knew It would be sweet to have pictures and a video for her to reflect on as she grows in awareness of the empowered beautiful woman that she is.