Friday, August 28, 2009

To Be Freed

I held the box under my arm as I lay across the bow of the boat.
The memories drift slowly across my mind.
My Papa,.. all the times you made time to talk to me ,... to listen to me,..
to answer my questions. I thought you were like God, all knowing.
I watched you fast and sleep and snore. I remembered the smell,
the garlic aroma around your neck... I hold the box tighter.
Oh,.. the tears come and the smile of gratitude.
It has been 20 years since you departed.

Mom all the times we sat at the small round kitchen table
just looking into each others eyes.
Our talks always led to laughter.
You were the one who told me that we would never be apart from each other.
Yes, I keep you here,.. in my Heart... I look out over the Atlantic Ocean
and remember how you loved to sit and breathe the salt air
and watch the waves roll in to shore.
I learned to watch by watching you...

I love you more than the Moon and the Stars...
I love you more than little baby ducks and chocolate...
I love you more than laughter and sunshine and soft rain while I'm sleeping.
And I love you more, than the pain I feel when I realize I can never hold you again...

I see an airplane fly over head,.. Papa was a pilot...
Seconds later a butterfly riding the West Wind flys overhead...
Mom loved butterflies. I begin to loosen my grip,..
I push the heavy box to the edge and open.
I look at whats left, " ashes to ashes, ..dust to dust and into the deep ocean.
You are free,.. We are free."
Whats left courses through the wind,
through the light and enters the dark water...
I stand and return to the bow pulpit.
The clouds send messages through movement.
The rain comes... I knew it would ...
Nothing separates me from the Earth and Sky,..this moment.
The sea now ominous obsidian,..
like an abyss below me, calling out, " Come on, Jump In!"
Maybe now I will.

The seagull comes port side and is followed by a friend.
Myself receiving blessings from the rain,
watch them play in the air and then back to the sea to rest.
A third comes to frolic before the storm.
A trillion rain drops fall into the ocean, the tears I never could cry.
I feel Light and at Peace.

Goodbye my beloved, Mom and Papa.
Oh yeah and keep an eye out for my friend Count down there, ok?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Deep Within

Deep within the Heart there is a shack,..
and inside the shack there is a fortress...
Inside the fortress there is a basement...
On the floor of the basement,..
there is a seed...
Let us plant it.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

On The Line

" What do you wish?... This moment, tell me your greatest desire..."

I want to hang the freshly washed white cloth on the clothes line,.. out back...

The wicker basket wedged between my arm and waist creaks with every step
as we approach the line and the golden sunbeams enter my eyes sending chills
through my spine.

The line stretches out before me. I take the first white cloth and shake out the twisted experience of being wrung out. There is a snap and a flicker that sails off into the air.
I smile, the intention is clear as I pin, " Start new... Start fresh..."

I let go and watch the line carry the vibrational dance of Freedom.
The elements converge to do their part. The wind swirls along and through.
The Sun radiates its energy and Truth.

The souls of my feet planted firmly in the Earth, my Spirit soars on the
Winds of Change. I am here and everywhere.

My Crow friend signals the cloth is ready.
"Yes?... Oh! Thanks!" I say as my dusty bare feet move
to bring my hand to the dancing new cloth.

I place it into the basket,.. but first
I hold it to my Heart,.. once again.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Enter-The Story

My son Will is an extraordinary boy/man. He is friendly, intuitive and creative.
He can make a friend anywhere, anytime. He also can make an enemy.
Some cannot stand his ease with a crowd and his light hearted joyfulness. They want
to prove something. I have watched Will deal with this scene about once a year.
He knows fighting is always a LAST resort. He is naturally a forgiver and a giver.
He is the one I like to be with when things go wrong, like a broken down car.
We find some shade and have the best time just hanging out waiting for a tow truck.
So,.. I listen to myself with amazement as I ( again) let him know sometimes we have to defend our loved ones and ourselves. It's quite entertaining or shocking because I slip into the 'bad ass' role to make my point clear. Bad language, lower jaw sticking out, taut musculature, I project into his direction, 'The Fighter'.

It feels like when I do this, I have to shut down my heart, my feeling center.
'The loss of innocence', I reflect. It seems to be part of the human condition... Enter-'The Story'.
Feel it, get to know it well. Learn the roles, learn the acts so that one fine day we may have the Joy of letting go of all of that and return to the Heart,.. clean things up, open the windows and breathe.

'Understanding' that only a broken, suffering Spirit would act out in such a way to bully or inflict harm on another or themselves is a valuable awareness. Yet I realize Life requires interaction, the sun to shine on, the rain to fall , mountains to climb, flowers to be pollenated, some wild fires, some controlled burns, storms to weather, a body unnaturally broken, a body naturally healing itself, lots of laughter, lots of tears.

If we are Awake in this Sacred Life then we feel all of these transient realities.

And then there is always the ultimate Truth that beyond the story line, Love and Light reign eternally.
Let it reign.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


The crows circled over as I sat outside. I have not seen this many in long time.
They have something important to talk about. I listen to their excited declarations...
It seems I have more in common with them. The souls of my feet assure me, I am in the right
place following a clever and tricky path.

"So August, with your warm temperament will YOU walk with me?" The leaves stir...I stand and walk to the lake past the tree weighted with perfect avocados. "I remember you all when you were just blossoms," I smile. I have watched them grow little by little, soaking up Light and Earth, expressing Life, not even knowing it. For all of my letting go I wonder if I too, like the blossoms, am soaking up Light and Earth. I go to the new apartment and am reminded of my life and my agendas, hahaha.

There is something truer happening to me.

It has felt like a dying, losing my patterns of being, my thought patterns, my desire to achieve anything. Ashes... The strange thing is,.. I am not depressed. I am at peace in this place of being.
So many years I have been 'Doing' something, trying to make things right. All those times I dusted myself off and picked myself back up...."keep going... keep moving..."

So recently being introduced to my Hearts door...I hesitated, sensing the profundity of the change in my life's direction...'IN'... Yes of all the places I have searched and pondered,..
THIS place,..My Heart Space is where Infinity resides... With careful consideration I begin to get comfortable...I begin to rest... You see, my Heart knows which box to open, which pain to touch and when. My Heart knows my passions as it knows my greatest fears. Yes, in this Eternal Heart Space I am Loved ... I AM LOVE...It has always been this way, a well kept secret... So then August stirs around my body and through my soul to say, "Welcome Home ... Love ... Welcome Home"

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Climbing Higher

When the highest place we can go is the kitchen cabinets,..

just BE with that,..unconditionally....

Friday, August 7, 2009

* *


Once upon a time there stood a Captain at his helm. She crouched down at the dock to see his face under the sun guard. There was instant chemistry. "Humm, this should be fun," she smiled to herself. It was a woman's party. The Captain was out numbered. He held on to the wheel calmly.
In the following year the she and the Captain sailed some and he shared his wine and vodka. It almost killed her a couple of times. Yet Destiny was not ready to release her, common sense caught up and said, " Save your self girl lest he and the bottle consume your soul." On the wagon again she started to regain her strength. He stood at a distance and watched. Even he quit for a month. He began to see the world and to feel people intuitively.
In awe he was, of all he had missed in his 30 plus years of using. He learned he could visit the bar with a water bottle in hand, that he could respond, "No thanks, I am just having water today."
He grew. She watched him evolve into a Man. At times she could feel his strength and Presence.
In truth she loved him. Alas, his allegiance was not to spiritual growth, to himself or even to her.
The bottle was his master and she stood at a distance watching it call him back.

Guidance and love for Self lead her away to follow the Heart and true Destiny.
She looks back and barely remembers his face. "Was it even me,.. caught in yet another web of deceit and irreverence?", she asks.
The heart affirms the Truth, "It was you, the old you."
Tonight I will spread her ashes among the stars.

"Beloved Child/Woman you acted out of Love and the desire to belong
and be Loved for what you are.
You, yourself, not realizing what you are and the gifts that you carried with you.
You have searched in places most would dare not go.
Yet in your desperate wake you gave Love and you gave it freely,
for that is how you will be remembered.
Good Bye... I will always love you."

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Satyana and Starseed Healing Sanctuary

Satyana is a woman with passion. She accepts the stewardship of Starseed very seriously.
I asked what I could do to help prepare for lunch. She said with a twinkle, "Go out and soak up Starseed." That I did and I will try to tell you something about it, a minute...

This is a picture of Satyana and Gurunam, friends they are. You can feel it and see it, the love and admiration for one another. Gurunam was not feeling up to par rather she seemed to be on the down low. She is wearing the poultice of fresh herbs Satyana made for her on the wrist. We laughed and laughed that Spirit had different plans then we. So after lunch we sat in circle or triangle... At the end of the visit we drummed together for Gurunam. That is when I felt I really knew Satyana. The beats and the sounds were as beautiful as they were powerful, produced and moved by Spirit. Song sprang from us both, back and forth then in unison. Something quickened in my Heart and Soul...I am here.

Large stone sculptures are everywhere. Places to sit and just Be still.
I walk the grounds barefoot. The grass is soft and comforting.
The Peace Labyrinth and Medicine Wheel share their secrets....

Wood is stacked for a fire I will not see. Yet I feel the power of the intentions and alchemy
that runs free at this place...I could stay here forever,..part of my Heart surely will.

This is the meditation room at the retreat house. When you walk in here you want to stay.
There is a Presence. It is friendly and familiar. "Welcome Home," it beams...

This is the Phoenix Chapel. It is new and holds a power of its own.

This, my friends, is the first tree I was drawn to on the property. Having just arrived I headed onward, camera in hand. I am gently pulled to the tree. I walk under it's canopy and look down to find green apples. "WOW, an apple tree,"I am smiling.
Pick one up, take a few bites, "Umm, good."
"I got to get a picture of this", I hold the apple in my hand in front of the lens and make sure the tree is in the frame too. As I am photographing I am remembering the Adam and Eve story. I feel like Eve holding out this apple for Adam to taste.
It was not until later that night that I realized my hand and the apple were Light.
Maybe that was how we were in the beginning, pure Light.
Perhaps that IS how we are in the context of Infinity and Eternity.
Starseed allowed me to 'Let Go' and for a short while 'See' and 'Feel' beyond the Story.
Truly it felt like Home.

Story Time!!!

NATURE loves us so much she appears in the last line of the Peace Story.
Can YOU find it? What do YOU see?
Hint: the letter I is capable of 'shapeshifting' into any other letter or thing!!!
The question remains, " Is there just one or one and its mirror image?"

Monday, August 3, 2009

PEACE ( got a Where- word handy?)

I am awestruck. I don't feel peace, I feel confused.....
It is beautiful. The grounds are beautiful.
I go to the board to be reminded of Hiroshima and Nagasaki vigils in August. I feel sad. The grave yard I visited in North Hampton the day before had several tombstones named August. What does it mean? I take photos but delete them before I fly home. August shouldn't be on a tombstone. August could be remembered in the wind, an Awe gust. The eighth month, a warm month, flowers are everywhere. Bees and butterfly's sucking sweet nectar for free. Let it be...

Altars of stones are everywhere along the path. "Gurunam, let's you and I create one," I muse. We have created a space for our friendship to grow, for our love for life and light to grow.The only physical proof of this is a small stone sculpture on the path of Peace.

I do not need to touch you to know that you love me. I do not need to do anything, only to Be still enough to feel the awe gust of Peace and Love in Truth.

We dance a circle dance at the end of the woman's gathering this night. It's a Sufi song and dance. We stop to face our partner, left hand on the chest, right hand on the heart of the other.
"All I ask of you is forever to remember me ... as loving you..." I look deep into Amar's eyes and she into mine. I feel drenched in love. I hardly know her, yet this love is so strong, it is beyond us. Truly through her eyes I travel into Infinity. I become liquid and drinkable. Yes, this night, we all have become the wine...

What? In the Spirit of Woman in union with Man we create and become created, become involved to evolve. Guided by Spirit, up a steep path to wonder why and what am I doing here? "TRUST," the gentle breeze does impress upon the hairs of my body, taking in all the information, me unaware. Trust, my heart to forward my feet. My mind absent, my feet sure. "I don't think we've met," I smile to myself,.. "I AM...?"
I am alive with a body. Oh, do not be fooled. I am my Fathers daughter and my Mothers Joy.
I forget and I reduce myself to a being in a particular form with a particular story. I am taught to identify with that...mostly. Alas, something has gone awry.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

ClearPoint Center, Stafford Springs,Ct

Sweet nectar! My visit to ClearPoint was about the beautiful experience of community. From the time I stepped out of the car and was greeted by Steve until I drove circles around town trying to find 91 to leave , I felt the enchantment of the space they (Steve and Shannon) have created together. Thank you both for a life changing experience.

Stafford Springs Library has Shannon's art work.
This one is titled," The Fallen Sparrow." There is no point in trying to tell about Shannons paintings. Just know you will feel them in your heart, body and soul...

Shannon at blueberry patch. As I was picking blueberries trying to collect and save as many as I seemed to be eating, Stephen Law shared the memory of feeding blueberries to his young son. He said it was so precious because the mother is in the beginning the provider of food nurishment . He remembered those little fingers grasping blueberries from his hand and feeling the joy of now providing a delightful treat for his little growing son. It was a beautiful story from a conscious and involved father. It was an honor to meet your family!

Sunset at Clearpoint. This picture was taken after the picnic style dinner was shared on the ground in the back yard. It was special to experience the amazing people that met for this enlightening funshop weekend. I grew tired early and left the group to bathe, breathe and go to bed. I sleep with a pillow over my ear yet was awakened by what I thought was the song of a mosquito. I took the pillow off and listened intentently feeling moved and the drawn by the enchanting sound. I followed down stairs and out into the dark of the back yard. As I stared into blackness the music stopped. I stood barefoot on the stone steps wondering what had happened. After my inquiry I realized the music was created by Del Orloske playing his Native American flute to the whole group, sitting in darkness in the back yard at the end of the night... I will always remember that song. Thank you.

Shannon holding the Chalice I found in the woods out back. "Your giving it to me?," Shannon asked me. "Of course, it's yours," I replied with a smile. Aren't those the best gifts,
when we recieve what is already ours?

Del, Daniel and Steve talking about the uses of Poison Ivy.? Many wild plants were identified as useful for food or medicine. It's amazing what resources are growing ( some posing as weeds) in the back yard!

Tent site out back. Nature is Alive and well out here. I spent mornings quietly
immersed in her loving presense. The last morning, early, before the birds sang I walked barefoot up the hill and into the woods. The trees were welcoming and spoke to my thirsty Heart. A large stone called to me, "Come and Sit , My Love." And so I did. There was a soft bed of pine needles blanketing the stone. I sat crosslegged wrapped in my Mexican blanket, listening,.. feeling,.. enraptured in the experience of the moment. A song grew within me . Bigger and bigger it swelled, enlisting my attention,..begging for release. My breath played the vocal chords , the trees began to dance, the birds sailed the current of Alchemy. The Stone and I were One. Then little by little, All came together in a Divine Union, I will call Now.

End of Seminar.... Steve's Stillness time... He is dynamic and strong by nature.
I imagine there is no reality to the concept of ' limitation' in his experience. He seems steady and centered like a huge Sacred Stone. I felt tickled to capture him in this still moment at ClearPoint.

Back from the library( to look at her paintings).
We had a lot of questions. We kept her there over an hour!!!
What fun!!! When we got back into the center, she curled up onto the couch like a
Persian Cat, at peace and perhaps purring softly. Good Nap Sister.

August 1

On track with broadcasting Love. Remember Mars comes close this month.
I will not be driven by petty personal needs and wants.
I will to 'see' and 'feel' the bigger experience.
I will practice mindfulness in all ways.
I will be Peace and Love.
Blessings to All,
Life, Love and Light...