Thursday, December 23, 2010

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Gift

I woke from a dream an hour ago.
All I could remember is that we were in each others arms.
My face turned in towards you, I said, " I still love you...I hate myself for loving you."
Then a tear from your eye fell into my left eye.
I could feel the splash. It was so beautiful.
you said, "Oh, I'm sweating," trying to hide what had just happened.
But my arms were holding you and my face was so close to yours,
I knew what you said was not true.

I did not ever imagine you were capable of such emotion.
Still, i have loved you. i do not 'hate' myself for loving you.
I am so blessed to feel that Love. i know this.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Friday, December 17, 2010

The Cabinet

Sweet orange tree outside my window.

Tucked away in a quiet back yard.

Morning Sun comes through my window.

The Cabinet.

December 16, 2010

Well, hello there.

I hope this message finds you appreciating your current reading, what ever that may be. No worries, it is all temporary. Yep, just weather passing through.

The apple computer is cold to the touch and quite the contrast to my hot cup of jasmine green. It is warming up today as the Canadian air withdraws. Just wondering how many souls made zygotious entry on that penetrating stream of air?

Hum, that information is top secret and only those undercover may access any real experience of the truth of the matter.

Funny how one really requires a partner for certain events to unfold…

Well, enough of that.

So I was sitting with my friend Gurunam, her foot in my hand. We were catching up on life. I was telling her about this rat that had apparently made a home in the R V that I am renting. Yeah, his little sounds of navigation squeezing through the slim passages, an occasional dance on the roof above my head and the disturbingly visual reality of his decision to use the bathroom cabinet for his nightly deposits. You know, I was raised in the 60’s and communal living is very natural to me, true enough, but that cabinet is the same one that stores the mason jars that contain my nightly outpouring and frankly that was just… too intimate.

My landlord put a little poisonous green chunk in there. I went to work and could not accept being an accomplice to this murder. Later, I went in to retrieve the poison … and that is when I noticed the teeth marks already into it. Hhhh.

SO I shut the cabinet and shut the bathroom door and huddled in my 3 blankets fully clothed, gloves, jacket, wool socks (a window was missing in the R V) and just as I was drifting to sleep, I heard the frantic scratching of my rat companion at the door of the bathroom. Yes…. frantic scratching of a poisoned and dying rat. Truly, being an empath, experiences like this are NOT pleasant.

Then I went mental thinking that if I managed to fall asleep, I would later wake and not remembering, open that door and either be attacked by that rat or step on his limp dead body, neither of which I could bear the thought of.

So, recalling the torment doled out in Poe’s “Tell Tale Heart”, I in 30 degree weather left the ice box, death chamber R V and actually slept quite well in a warm room painted dragonfly green.

The rat has not returned. I never saw his dead body. And I was telling Gurunam that I felt a small ache at the absence of his nightly sounds, “In a strange way, he was company,” I spoke softly. At this she laughed in an obnoxious volume, bringing me abruptly out of my ‘feeling’ state…

She Said, “Suzette, when you start seeing a rat as ‘company’, it’s time to move on!” (Then more obnoxious laughter). I do see her point of view but I ask, “If we are all one, then beady eyes, pointed whiskery nose and sneaky clandestine behaviors in darkness, would not disqualify one from the ONE.

Id- “And I don’t give a rats ass if anyone of you can't get that!”

Ego… “And I do believe that the rat gave his life for you to understand that…”

Super-Ego- “And the rat brought certain gifts of awareness that are just beginning to be realized.”

Well, I am not crazy…only when measured against ‘normal’ standards.

Have a prolific experience,



Friday, December 10, 2010

A Visit by the Dark of the Moon

It was time in my life that I began to really work in the garden,

fertilizing here, pruning there. I began to release many things, giving over

stewardship of what is precious and sacred.

Rocky, my dear friend, accepted Calsifer as his own son. Along with Cal, he received the cat box, some toys and two antique nightstands, which matched and fit perfectly on each side of his bed, the bed that would hold my Calsifer, the bed that would grow a certain love between and within them. So I left the compound in Peace, my wings unfurled.

I returned on the dark of the moon, a visit framed with the sting of cold damp air which penetrated my flesh and into my bones. And I wondered if the warmth that emanated from my Heart would be enough to keep the apparent realities from numbing and freezing this human vehicle I have come to love and rely on.

As I entered the compound my eyes grew wet and my Heart pounded as I remembered

meeting my lost love, my short but profound 3-month affair in the woods

under a starlit sky as we were serenaded by rustling leaves and

distant owls.

I remember the outdoor shower where I stood naked and in plain view of 1000 deciduous voyeurs.

I remember walking side by side into the woods past the mossy mound

where the sacred bed was laid upon sacred land.

This is the land where ancestors, creatures and light beings from worlds we have not yet imagined, come to visit.

That first night I tried to run, to steal away while you were sleeping.

And my love, the only thing that kept me was the promise that I would know,

yes, that I would, “ see and feel the greatest Love of all time,”

if I would just stay with you for three days and nights…

I found your company warm.. once I opened to you and your funny creative mind kept me entertained. I started to realize what I had been missing in all my journeys and in all my running. I started to grow deeper and deeper into this love that had an ancient feel.

I watched you as you conversed with the crows, the hawks and the owls.

I felt the stars transmit their magic and medicine. I watched this beautiful interlude between your capacity to realize and receive what is most sacred, and I laughed from the endlessness of my soul, as your mismatched irreverence pushed its way through the soil of sanctity, bearing its own medicine. You are so completely human and so completely divine. And I knew that what I was realizing,...what I was feeling …

was Love growing.

At the end of three days you asked me if I would marry you. Our hands together our eyes gazing upon the same star, I said, “Yes."

So it is.

We walked away from that portal place, away from the woods fully inhabiting this human body.

I hear the crunch of my steps and feel my lover’s weight…

I look down upon my hand and see my protector’s influence.

I see, I remember... how you touched to protect, how you touched to awaken

and how you touched to make Love…

And I tell you this day, “I Love You… Always have. Always will.”

And Yes, I am married to this beautiful soul and that, even death cannot diminish.

So I am grateful to return to visit this sacred land

and to this sacred space held by two genuine gentlemen and one fine cat,

a place where I found my greatest Love…

of Self.

He has gained a few pounds. The cat!, I mean!

The guys greet me in the compound.

Cal is invited in now. He and Jimmy have become friends, apparently.

So beautiful.

Rocky, Jimmy and James working on an indoor project.


Monday, December 6, 2010

The Big Event

Front Gate.



A run to the country store...

Clearing out the Garage... co-operation.

Only one rule...

John, a Tin Can Tourist pioneer...

Nancy, Ronnie and Nappy...

Mary, I see you...

Ron, don't lay that fiddle down!

Oh Ma! I sense trouble brewing!

My brother ...

The Alchemist...

Jim and Nancy take a moment to connect.


Jim's infamous home made ice cream.

"The road continues and the party never ends!"

"Come on Ma, play something!"

Cal is establishing dominance.

Nappy is in the moment.

Just between you, me and the porch post.

The porch posse capturing reflections.

Midday nap... much cooler than in the trailer!

New digs...

Ummm... yeah... once a King always a King.

At home in the Space Train...

Exhausted from 'holding Space'.

Cal stays at The Hideaway while I continue on my Journey.

Mobile Home... Yeah, so it's all temporary.

On the road again...

New Digs.

Dragon Medicine


No End Ever