Saturday, July 25, 2009

July 25

Once upon a time a day was born... and inside that day
a moment cried out.

All the world took a pause to feel waves of brilliant light
circle the globe and radiate into the universe.

What gift does it bring?

How will it lead?

Where will it go?
"Into the Hearts."

Will they listen.?
"Some will."

Will that be enough?
"We shall see."

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Stay The Course

Feeling sick, tossed about by circumstance…
Wanting to be done with it all…
Wanting to go Home…
Falling down this endless pit of exhaustion and despair…
Everything breaking down, car, camera, computer,…me
Admitting to myself there is little desire to fight…
Shattered into pieces…
Resisting giving up while going ‘IN’…

And I realized this morning CLEARLY that these are, as MB wrote,” the circumstances of my life unconsciously dictated by an inherited, energetic, generational pattern.”
Now, my intuition not to resist the terrific pain and confusion makes good sense.

It is apparent that the backdrop and props of my current story have been divinely orchestrated. “Your experience is you teacher”, says MB. Even though I have looked around for supporting actors, today I am grateful for the awareness that, to this point, those persons could only be seen as such (actors) in my distorted story.

So as I follow the Pathway of Awareness I am relieved to ‘see’ and 'feel' that my circumstance today is manufactured because of my old emotional imprinting.

I have memories of clinging to my mother’s shirt, listening to her melody or lack of,
feeling her bodys vibration in reaction to people and events.
I took it ALL in.
It was the first learning I can remember.

It is no great wonder anymore my extensive ability to be in my fantasy mind.
It is no great mystery, my dependency on the stories I create or subscribe to.

It is a profound GIFT to realize I do not have to participate, protect or defend that old dysfunctional programming.

So it is with Great Pleasure that I use the ‘de-fragmentation’ key and proceed to optimize
an Outdated Operating System, named Suzette.

System Performance Tuning, is not really so complicated once turned on and tuned IN to ‘The Presence Portal’ and “The Presence Process” (excellent manual).

I think its called “Upgrade”.

Monday, July 20, 2009


Living in two worlds is difficult until we realize one is superimposed upon the other.

Sunday, July 19, 2009


Hey I realized something important years ago. I wanted to share it to see if it rings true for you too. Well I was raised with a lot of hugs and cuddling, especially from grandparents. Thank God for that!
Well, so I would just be so free about hugging people, hello or good bye.
And I began to notice weird uncomfortable energy coming from men, really invasive, sexual energy. It was very upsetting because I had to end some friendships and put up strong boundaries. I was upset that I felt I needed to change my free and loving behavior and generous smiles.

Then the light dawned on me. Those who were raised with out hugs and cuddling would see and feel this as sexual rather that nurturing and loving. They did not have a frame of reference for that other than ‘sexual’. It made sense. I asked a few men and women about it and they agreed. So with the expanded understanding, I became very careful about who I chose to hug and smile at. Well, it solved the problem.

It also reminds me of my bed. My Bed is a family / friend bed. Pretty much my inner circle is welcome to plop down any time. I guess it’s like the baths in Japan, social not sexual. People who have not had that experiential reality or expanded understanding would automatically assume that it’s is ‘sexual’. I get this now.

I was sitting with Will my son and his friend Damon, eating lunch, during the move. I asked which bed should I get rid of and they both agreed my king bed was the most comfortable. I said, “Oh yeah you’ve been in my bed too Damon!” Will would bring his friends in and if I was reading in bed they'd just sit and talk or lay down. They have been in sis Noelle’s bed too. Well to some that probably sounds a little weird. I had to laugh at the thought of how many of the kids friends have been on my bed.

So I guess it a good conversation to have with people.

Delete that Post

“Delete That Post.”----------------------“NO, I’m not going to do it.”
“DELETE THAT POST!”-------------“I think I should stand by my posts”

“You want the whole world to see that ‘Moment’?"

"Please, I have one follower and she is a romantic like me. Get over it !”

“OK Smarty,, what about containment? Some things are better left unsaid.”

“Have ya read Shannons stuff lately?”…“I’m telling YOU killjoy, Broadcasting Love, experiential, contagious Love is what the world needs! Don’t we want Mars to feel warm and fuzzy?”

"Oh Yeah, I heard, you want to 'rock the world in the collective cosmic bosom'...
I am afraid you are revealing a lack of maturity and good sense. The only real Love is unchanging."

“Oh… I see… You’ve never had a Breath Kiss have you? Well me neither. But Ya know It felt really good write about it…”

“Let’s not argue anymore,,, Come back to bed…”

“You know I love you...”

“I know.”

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Give Me A Moment

I see you at the computer… The energy is mental, dutiful, driven and passionate.
I have been watching you,...
seeing into you, past the routine,
into your being and I miss you.
I want to connect with that Being that I truly adore…

So quietly I approach and ask if I may have your attention for a few minutes.
My soft words slice through the space of the room
landing with a thud into your consciousness…
There is a pause, then a conscious inhale as you look into my eyes.

The PC, a seductive mistress, reluctantly relinquishes her grasp
on my Love.

“I just would like you to be standing in front of me for these few minutes
(smile) OK?”

The old Voice wonders if this is a manipulation and advises caution.
I hear the voice too.
I won’t argue or try to defend.
Let it come with us into these three minutes.
I love it too. It’s part of you.

So there we are face to face. You are taller than me.
I see the right side of you Adams apple, a place I have known even before we met.
I step closer... The tingle of energy like erratic static punctuates the stillness.

I stand there sheltered under the ledge of your chin.
My breath moves through my body and touches your skin...
My lips touch your skin, a precious seal at the apple.

We are both feeling it in our bodies now.
The moment feels eternal, this breath fertile.

“I am finished now,” I whisper, “I let you get back to work."(smile)

The Moment is complete. It wants for nothing.
And the following moment renders the breath kiss a shadow memory,
drifting further away into the Heart of the Apple.
Good night

The Truly Miscellaneous

Morning Yoga

The Eye Of The Needle

Hearts Never The Less

The Phantom

Friday, July 17, 2009

Give Me A Moment

Oh Man,
I wish I could take your little infant self and hold you in my arms.
I would look upon your face smiling into your perfection.
I would wiggle my finger into your fist till you opened and grabbed tight.
Your eyes would often see my loving attention.
If only I could cradle you softly between my arm and my heart
to give to you Child a feeling of your greatness.
And I would witness when you were two your sheer delight in grabbing the cats tail,
a handful of fur the gift of the moment.
You’d look at me and I’d reflect back the riches of that moment.
Store it , you would in your memory, being loved, being Love
and feeling it all around you…
If I could hold your infant self I would whisper sweet songs into your ear
while your eyes smiled, “Thank you”.
You’d soon be five and I’d watch for your talents and interests,
holding up the mirror for you to realize your beautiful self as you grew.
Give me a moment and I’ll blow on your belly making a silly loud sound
that makes you laugh.
I play the fool for you because it makes you feel happy...
Give me a chance to allow you to cry,
to hold that space and trust you will bring yourself to resolution.
Then we both can grow right?…My little Teacher.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Being Here

The Mask

Captured ... Frozen in time... "I'm Okay...You can go on..."

" NO! Wait! Don't abandon me ... I'm here I'm hurting..."

"Be with me ...Please, see me... I am here
and she is inside the little one
just wanting to be held..."

"Release the Mask and come home."

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Storage... Never Again!!!

Well this sign makes one think...

Cat enjoying the Presence Process Chair.

View form The Presence Process Chair.

Pulled it out of a dump pile painted it red.

I knew one day I would realize its purpose.

Friday, July 10, 2009

What the cat dragged IN

This morn just before 9 am Calsifer Scored!
Quick! I opened all the doors hoping it would flee.
As it perched on the circular window upstairs I carefully, with a tee shirt
rescued the stressed out soul.
Off I ran to the neighbors. She has a working camera.
See how cute?
And so symbolic. March to the beat of your own drum...
I felt its racing heart beats through the t shirt.
Soon the bird was calm seeing the sky and feeling my adoration.
Sassy little critter . He started to peck and bite.
"I am OVER this, " said he.
Off he flew on his self made undulating rhythm.

So I go upstairs to sit quietly in my empty room and cat walks in with a strut, full of himself.
" YOU THE MAN", I say with a sort of obnoxious loudness.
He looks straight into my eyes and says, " Good morning huh? Caught em right in my TEETH."
Yes, this is the day he has dreamed about. He has waited, stalked, pondered and pounced.
Today his kingdom he realizes more fully.
Now I observe his little demonstrations of deep contentment and Joy.
Grand was his rite of passage.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Excavating Self

The new apartment has been full for a week. Truck loads have gone away
every day since and still i sit among assorted items, alone.

My mind settles on the phrase " the evils of excess and comfort".
I don't own my things they own me. I have been enslaved to the inanimate objects, an unknowing captive, pinned down by photographs, chastised by clothes, flattered by footwear.
The lamps have lied to me.

Now, only darkness and emptiness soothes the pain.

Tomorrow is the day of reckoning. One last truck load. I'm renting a big truck, again. I want it done.
I come from a long line of collectors, scavengers and deal makers. None of it matters! Trust me, I am not depressed. I stand at the final page of a chapter, I am ready to turn.
But not just yet. Tonight I sit at the old apartment surrounded by boxes and bags and the truly miscellaneous.

Of all the things it is letting go of the books that has been the hardest. They have been my hope ,my escape and my teachers. And then there is the rocks. Why did I start collecting rocks? Ah yes, they told stories and shared different kinds of energy. They taught lessons quickly, how to read and feel history as well as the future... Farewell friends. What I have required I have received. Thank you...

Monday, July 6, 2009

id Ego SuperEGO

id- " i'd sure like a drink, vodka and pomegranate, yum! that feeling of being foot loose and fancy free!"


Ego- "Oh Yeah! You keep drinking remember then you end up singing into the toilet bowl
wondering if you'll survive the poisoning."


Ego- "Yeah, before a growth spurt the urge to get wasted is so strong... "

id- "dim down you two! we spent many times climbing out of that hole together.
remember we always had each other. that familiar climb is comforting in its own way.
at least we knew which way to go... up!"


id- "well i never thought about it. what does it mean?"

Ego-" Wait! Wait! I know this. Let ME say it! What does it mean to you , id?"

id- "well the only thing i think of is the sun. it is suspended in the sky.
it is strong and pretty. i learned that it gives life. wow it makes life."

Ego- "Yeah,.. the keeper of life. HA! you got one a top a you. Profound!"

id- "listen!... life is too short to be profound. i just want to be happy and have fun.
besides there is an obvious disconnect between the line and the sphere.
oh look a grasshopper! over there ! "


( id feeling S. EGO's words in a most scintillating fashion)

id- "OMG i am you, SUPER EGO!!!"


Ego-" Wait! Wait! I know this. Integration! We just got integrated, right?"


id- "top of the morning to you! "


Saturday, July 4, 2009

putting a lid on it now

I am reminded every year how much I hate fireworks!
I feel sick. Oh... Suz this is good stuff, contain!
I know this is an emotional charge. I feel angry and judgemental about the men
hanging out in the streets with the kids, Bonding? Celebrating? Having a good time?
Yes I have heard the historical reasons why we do this. I still d0n't get it...
The way things often go, fireworks should be legal everywhere and free , 'reinforcing successive approximations to the desired behavior'. How very Patriotic.
Well this night is going to SUCK!

Sacred Land Enota

Almost two years have passed since I stayed at the Sacred Land of Enota in N. Ga.
Camp site #59, the most exquisit spot nestled between streams and right at a waterfall.
My soul drinks deeply and intuitively in places such as these.

I took a hike in the early morning, followed the stream up delighting in the musical tickles.
:-) The path was mossy earth adorned with the usual stones an twigs...
Then I felt a breeze penetrate the silence and stir the woods. I tell you the truth,.. I watched the first leaf fall. I did not realize what I had witnessed until I was on my way back down and I noticed that the path was now carpeted with fresh leaves, fall leaves. How many times in life are we conscious and awake enough to realize a moment like that? have been a part of it? be changed by it?

Every morning four crows would wake me, squaking impatiently. I lay wrapped in blankets defiantly giggling. Silly crows. When I'd emerge they'd soon fly off. This happened every morning of the seven. The day I found a hawk feather chills went up my back and along my brain. Sweet! I sit at the spot and be still... I am not alone...

That night I had avery disturbing dream. I was traveling somewhere on a bicycle only I had so much stuff piled on the handle bars, covered with a tarp that I could not balance the bike or
see where I was heading. I knew then, one year and eight months ago, I need to let go of 'the stuff'. I sigh,..sometimes feeling so very slow. Yes I get all the required lessons and timley messages, it's just acting on them...well lets just say I am really improving in that area. A little vise grip on the brain has been a real motivator!!! hahaha

I remember swapping a massage for a chiropractic adjustment from a woman there. She had a squirrel she raised from a baby. As I was on the table trying to be in Trust, I have this crazy, assuming squirrel crawl over my face and just hang out there. I was afraid to speak cause I didn't want to startle the rodent, lest he bite my sensitive nose or worse... In her good time she got it off my face then off my shirt but not before he left his calling cards.
Got to love Nature's sense of humor!

Well Enota lives in me now. And I can say, today, that I have finally followed the urgings from Spirit to 'Let Go' of the stuff that weights me down.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Out of the Darkness

I can actually see the light under the overpass.
Ya know sometimes we just have to go under before we get through.
I have a 17 foot truckload of give away furniture.
Wow that feels so good to have that gone out of my life.
Next the 100 collectibles will be blessed and sent along to their new homes, where ever.
Then the many books, off to a shelter
I am feeling lighter and stronger today.
I like manual labor makes me feel like a man!
OK, so that was a joke...

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Independence Day 2009

I do understand that the celebration of the 4 th of July is to honor the perseverance, courage, creative thoughts and actions of those people over TWO HUNDRED years ago that brought us to a certain independence. I wish there was a holiday to make sacred and honor courageous actions or non-actions we take today personally to bring a deeper, truer experience of 'independence' from the thousand things that keep us bound and anesthetized in old debilitating, disease producing patterns.

So I ask, " What rules me today?...Who or What is my Master?... In what ways do I give my power over?" It makes sense that the mastery of Independence is a prerequisite to meaningful Interdependence, Interaction and Intimacy with All Life.

Independence -(physical/mental) not being subject to the 'control' of persons, places, things or ideas.
-(emotional) Simply put ' Being with the way things are unconditionally'.
Then we experience The Vibrational of What Is...Love
(Thanks MB!)