Friday, August 7, 2009


Once upon a time there stood a Captain at his helm. She crouched down at the dock to see his face under the sun guard. There was instant chemistry. "Humm, this should be fun," she smiled to herself. It was a woman's party. The Captain was out numbered. He held on to the wheel calmly.
In the following year the she and the Captain sailed some and he shared his wine and vodka. It almost killed her a couple of times. Yet Destiny was not ready to release her, common sense caught up and said, " Save your self girl lest he and the bottle consume your soul." On the wagon again she started to regain her strength. He stood at a distance and watched. Even he quit for a month. He began to see the world and to feel people intuitively.
In awe he was, of all he had missed in his 30 plus years of using. He learned he could visit the bar with a water bottle in hand, that he could respond, "No thanks, I am just having water today."
He grew. She watched him evolve into a Man. At times she could feel his strength and Presence.
In truth she loved him. Alas, his allegiance was not to spiritual growth, to himself or even to her.
The bottle was his master and she stood at a distance watching it call him back.

Guidance and love for Self lead her away to follow the Heart and true Destiny.
She looks back and barely remembers his face. "Was it even me,.. caught in yet another web of deceit and irreverence?", she asks.
The heart affirms the Truth, "It was you, the old you."
Tonight I will spread her ashes among the stars.

"Beloved Child/Woman you acted out of Love and the desire to belong
and be Loved for what you are.
You, yourself, not realizing what you are and the gifts that you carried with you.
You have searched in places most would dare not go.
Yet in your desperate wake you gave Love and you gave it freely,
for that is how you will be remembered.
Good Bye... I will always love you."

1 comment:

  1. It is not fair, I know. I did not mention all the times you just held me
    while I was lost in a storm. Yes and I did not tell that you were a safe port, always there when I needed a friend, the only man that ever saw me beyond the outer shell. You did recognize my Nature and I yours. I honestly would not be where I am today without the beautiful and sometimes painful experience of being with you.

    I started to feel it was crazy that I had to negotiate your being sober so that we could really be PRESENT with and for each other.
    You agreed and my God we experienced new depths of Love and friendship.

    We realized our Destiny was not matched close enough to keep us in communion and growing.

    And to this day I do feel you to be a special friend.
    I know I have some anger about Alcohol being the force that seems to direct your life. Even though your not killing yourself by bottles at a time, it still steals from Presence and Truth. I have watched it compromise and reduce you. My sensitivities were such that I could feel that parasite staring back at me through you. I didn't run.
    I took it on remember. I tried to save you, to wake you up because I loved you and you had been a good friend.
    In the end, I had to save myself, wake myself up from my own ignorance, from my own self defeating pattern of choosing to be in an intimate relationship with someone
    who was not Free to consciously and completely, Love back.
    And this morning I had to tell you, that was a most important Gift of our time shared. I learned that I deserved to be loved by one who truly loves himself and who recognizes the Divinity within. I realized you were holding up the Mirror for me. So I began to ask, "How am I showing up for myself? How am I loving and respecting myself? In what ways have I compromised and reduced Suzette?" It becomes apparent the true blessing that you have been for me. I consider you a good friend and an important part of my life and growth.

    We all have our 'demons' to deal with...I wanted to save you from yours.
    I realize it's a full time job just keeping mine at bay...

    I regret the my judgment about your condition.
    The only thing I really know is that I loved you and will always love you.
    You have been a friend and an important teacher. Thank you from my Heart.