Saturday, June 20, 2009

In The Dark Of Night

I see excessive alcohol consumption can act like a truth serum. Well, at least the truth about what the Alcoholic is actually feeling. When it gets devilherd (often to those closest) it is like a really bad smell emanating from the piles of historical crap in the basement.

One thing people do not realize with me is that I am quite capable in dealing with such outbursts. No, it is not pleasant for me but I have had decades in this life dealing with nasty abusiveness. My storm shudders are already installed. Want to make me cry? Tell me some kind and sincere words. For that I have no defense.

So it was, not with amazement but familiarity that I transcended the emotional stirrings of what was being said last night to realize and say,” You know the alcohol is taking over. You have a Jeckle/Hide personality when you are drinking heavily. It seems to me there is part of your consciousness that should be able to recognize this before things get really ugly.”
And I saw in her eyes for a brief second, those words received. The night was soon over so was any illusion.

Later in bed that night I thought about all that I had learned in Michael Brown’s book, “The Presence Process.” I thought, ”Wow Suz you have really matured.” I felt in my bones and in my self a very strong resolution. Yes, after traveling with and through the emotional and ‘feeling’ it I felt my strength and health return to me and I was pleased.