from my past. It was the longest lunch hour I have ever had to endure.
Later I pulled into the yard and sat on the porch contemplating the web
I had spun for myself. It was then I saw the limp, dead cat hanging from Guses mouth in the yard. Unpleasant. Horrific even. I couldn't find my cat, Calsifer.
It was a long day.
Calsifer is laying on the bed in the pink room with me right now.
We are packing and leaving Sunday morning. I think maybe I am mentally handicapped.
Who would bring a cat to live in the same place as a dog like Gus?
I...Oh Hell!... Well Calsifer will be over his fear of road trips after a few hundred more miles... Yeah , I am sure there is a divine purpose to all this (humor)... maybe...
I have made this mistake over and over again.
I assume that people are peaceful and loving... I don't know why since quite a bit of my experience has been otherwise... Why do I still assume that? Why is it that so many people need to be controlling and oppressive and dominating over others? Well, today with dog and dead cat in view. I think maybe it sunk in... The nature of animals and people can be assessed by observing their actions and responses over time. People are as consistent as I am forgetful... I always assume people can and will change. You know, evolve for the better. Well during lunch today I realized that some people don't change much if at all. The thought actually never occurs to them.
I went to the town dump today after helping to load the trailer with garbage.
I sat in the large building inhaling the stench of rotting garbage. It was so apropos.
Yeah, it's like I keep returning to the garbage of my past. In this way I have not changed.
I want to be done with it. I want to 'see' the nature of each person.
The superficial nature that floats on top of the God Nature.
Yes, my world is much darker today but it is real.
i can feel that it is real. And I somehow there is still Love and Compassion
in my Heart for all of it.
No matter how dark i will always love because that is what i am