In 2001 I became very sick. I was weak and my bones hurt and I was cold all the time.
I had a health challenge. It took me days and several conversations with God before I realized It was not my time yet. So I said somewhat boldly, " Well, if I have anything to do with my healing then I am going to have EVERYTHING to do with my healing." So I made a call to warring family members and said," I'll keep you in my prayers but I can't be involved with this anymore. I am healing and stress is not good for me." After I hung up the phone with them was the first time I realized one of the gifts of illness. Humm , I am on a roll now,"Kids I love you but I can't put you first anymore, nope. It's got to be ME first. If I'm not well how can I take care of you?" And for the first time my then spouse heard the roar of a fearless lioness, " Don't YOU ever come in here and complain about my juicing mess! That is my medicine. .." I started taking occasional trips with elder women. I started listening more to my self, to my body and to nature. I learned to become still and listen. I learned where I was living a lie and it became a priority to live in truth. The layers of unconsciousness peeled away slowly , sometimes painfully. My illness brought me to my healing path. There were times I would ask myself, "Do you want to be healed?" I knew I was healing and I was learning and growing. The symptoms were guideposts that were replaced by good energy and joy and a deep sense of peace. I was not ready to be completely healed. I was learning so much and felt better than ever before. No I wasn't ready to say goodbye to my teacher and my friend, yet... I did eventually with heart felt gratitude.
Later I worked regularly on very sick people. I was asked,"How do you handle that?"
I remember saying, "Illness is like clothing or eye color, when I touch a body I see past their illness into their wholeness, into their center where All is Well... That's what I dance to."
Sometimes I see that people identify themselves with their sicknesses, boasting almost about their loads of medicines and procedures. Hope I never get into that trap.
Illness is temporary( most everything is). It arrives to motivate and inspire and to help forge the iron of you Being.
Yeah, It can be scary if you do not realize its true purpose. Sometimes we have to nearly lose something before we know how precious it is. I am so grateful for my fire and my breath and my beautiful (sometimes wild and crazy) brain. I am also grateful for "The Presence Process" helping me to go deeper into my Heart and to Listen and Contain. It reveals my new guide and teacher, my Self... the awesome Divinity within.
