Welcome Home 2010

I Remember...

Once we stood, side by side,

contemplating a mountain to climb.

The time was not right, yet I felt the promise

of an extraordinary journey being transmitted to the soul.

I felt the enthusiasm,.. the heat,..the crunch of rock under my feet..

I saw the blue of the sky in your eyes

and felt the warmth of the utterances that flew from you lips.

Love resounds , again and again , in this memory I hold dear.

Maybe in another lifetime?... Maybe when I come back,..

to my Self,.. in this lifetime.

In Love

open to receive,

the Majesty of Existence.

My body, mind and soul,..

climbing the mountain,

this year,..with YOU.

Home

We, worry about what will happen...
Will there be chaos?...
Will there be suffering?...

I tell you the Truth,
when you see God in an other's eyes
and feel God peering through your own,
nothing else matters.
It is then, we have arrived Home

Soul Mates

Finding a soul mate certainly is a romantic notion.

Meet that special person,.. 'fall in Love',..then ride off into the sunset.

It sells. It is a feel good fiction.

I have come to realize 'Soul Mate' is something a bit messy.

We'll call it "Bessy".

Realizing the gift of working with ourself in the context of being

with a soul mate can be similar to enthusiastically walking into a glass door, face first.

After the intense shock waves hit our third eye chakra and reverberate

through the Heart, solar plexus and down into our root,

we stand feeling stupid, angry or humiliated.

But rest assured this is but an entrance into the course of Sacred Soulship.

Yes, being with the other alerts one to the unseen, unrealized

glass barrier that keeps us from giving and receiving the fruit of any moment.

Often we don't even know of the invisible barrier until our partner in Sacred Soulship arrives.

Our partner expresses and mirrors things about ourselves we have yet to 'own'.

Ouch! After all, it is much easier to see their idiosyncrasies and faults then our own.

So we scrutinize, analyze and construct labels and after we have pinned them to our partner

we get to do something really special, we get to pin these awarenesses to our selves.

Hence, the glass door can now be identified and charted.

Crashing into invisible barriers is now optional,..

if we honor and tend to our own under-pinnings.

If we apply the awarenesses sincerely and consistently enough

we just may partake in an alchemical event,..

'the unpinning',.. the cutting of cords,... the casting off of chains.

This process of letting fall away that which no longer serves us is like

tilling the Earth in preparation of the 'New Garden',

one in which, we consciously participate in, from the tilling,

to the planting, to the harvest.

So in Truth we watch the sunset and in the dark of night,

hold the vision of the Current Sunrise,...

where in the moment we 'Grow in Love'.

Tell me about the New World...

Ok,.. settle into your center...

The New World must be felt first,...

be real still...

I can feel the silence,.. and the sound vibration within it...

I can feel you reading this,.. Hi there.

You can feel me too,.. Yes,.. this moment you can feel me, my spirit.

The New World enables us to be connected at any time, from any place.

In this New World, vibration is a resource we are conscious of.

We have known it before as Empathy.

It is the ability to realize internally, what and how someone else is feeling in any moment.

I feel at peace now and truly honored to be having this conversation with you.

Can you read that? Can you feel the Truth of it?

The apparent time difference of my writing and you Now reading is inconsequential.

Nothing is lacking. We are connected. That is the intention.

This is the Truth.

So I am not alone nor are you, this moment,.. we are vibrationally together.

That makes me smile.

I want you to know how very precious you are.

I want to thank you for being here now in this vibrational space ,.. with me.

This is Love

Tahoem

Got a minute?

Nice to see you, friend.

But 'How' do I see you?

Ah, there is the rub...

Indeed, how I see you is more about

how fully I have realized Love

and the boundlessness of existence.

We look for one unifying truth.

Well, that's probably it,

Love and the boundlessness of it's existence.

However, what I have experienced has truly been

influenced by where I am standing in the moment.

And being what I am( this time around), ya know, that changes.

So, it seems there is another operating truth.

It has everything to do with our experiences

in this physical life and how we interpret them,..

how we feel them.

When I stand next to the beautiful yellow flowers and look up

I see a great tree. I become drawn upward by the bark

and inward through the cracks.

I feel the strength of being anchored to the Earth

and feel, even in my vertebrae, the movement up the trunk

as I burst into branches adorned with life giving leaves.

Now being the Tree, I look down at some yellow flowers

and their radiant display smiling up at me.

I admire their beauty and ponder their humility.

I, the Tree, become enamored and united with the flowers.

We are both humble and grand, anchored in the physical,

yet united in the conscious experience of the Eternal.

I realize,.. 'What is' in this moment...

And THAT, in the context of this Earth life, changes.

In the context of what unifies us eternally,

the Gift is always present in this moment, unchanging,

a bridge across two realities.

Beneath the Surface

I like being in your company.

I like the way you smell.

Makes me vibrant.

Beneath the surface,...

we are always in touch.

Return to Love

Return to Love...I waited patiently,

for my mind to stop talking.

I watched it flail and kick, pulling ideas and plans,

concepts and definitions from this dark and uncertain place...

I couldn't help it, as i watched, i felt Love and Compassion,..

for that part of myself that was trying so hard to make sense

of this time and place.

I invited her to be with us,.. in this Peace...

And so she stopped for a moment to realize

the pit she had cast herself in.

I watched a big grin grow on her face followed by

a familiar giggle...

So Here I am,

this moment united,

realizing Peace,..

feeling Lighter in Love.

Here DOG ereH

Well, this post was unintentional. If you can believe that. He is really cute. I was just putting flowers on draft posts and this cutie got my attention so I uploaded him and next thing he is on the blog. I don't know what to say except he looks to have lots of sincerity and Love in his eyes.

Medicinal Tea

Well I went to kayak on the Loxahatchee River.

I was blessed with these beautiful specimens.

I left many to continue to grow on the decaying fallen Oak Trees.

Remember these medicinal mushrooms have pores on the underside,

not gills.

Ganoderma...

Turkey Tail...

Cut into thin slices before they dry out and get too hard.

Place them in a boiling pot and boil,.. and boil,.. then simmer

for however long your feeling that groove.

The longer you boil and simmer the more potent.

Tea will be a beautiful golden brown.

Tastes like turpentine.

It's an acquired taste.

Makes your finger and toenails grow

stronger and longer,...

better to cleave with.

The River

Got my favorite kayak.
This gator is resting peacefully. I am not right now.
Hey Golden,

Found the perfect hallowed out tree,..

where we can have mushroom tea, one fine day.

Gentle Readers,

Well after spending a full day and a night with my Shadow,

I guess I have a few corrections to make.

Shadow has (in it's not so subtle way) enlightened me to

my , let me see how did she put it?,... Oh Yes, My '"Bliss Bubble,..

Light is so right,.. Pollyanna perfect side" AND has accurately stated

that level of denial shares office space with "The Liar"...

I foolishly ASSumed that the 'The Liar' was Shadows inheritance

but I wobble graciously corrected.

Apparently, 'the liar' aka 'Pollyanna' is a feature of Convenience

and that program can be borrowed and installed by Suzette

any ole time.

I was reminded ,EXPERIENTIALLY, last night that. in fact,

I DO NOT in my darkest hours ALWAYS

"feel the Golden Light as a hand on my shoulder or

a kiss on top of my head.",... Hhhhh....

"Is that good enough?"

"Fine I'll continue..."

Apparently, Shadow popped out shortly after my writing the last post

to "hold out a steady hand " to me so that I,.. sorry,..WE could walk in Truth.

Accordingly, I have been realigned and now realize that

The Golden Light and The Shadow

are NEUTRAL when I can resist coloring them

with my fanciful, dramatic ideas and stories.

In a consolatory moment Shadow agreed there is a place and time

for stories but warns the 'stories' are very powerful

and if left unchecked can be used to manipulate myself

and Humankind.

WE rightly agree,..."CUT",...I am aware that at this particular time

in the history of Humanity, it is imperative that we

examine our stories ( belief systems),

the ones we tell ourselves, the ones we tell others

and the ones we 'subscribe' to.

Note to self;

Scan for the unconscious ones as well.

Follow the feelings.

When we are elated or despondent

or numb we are NOT

in Neutral or at Peace.

Check the story, Suz.

Most important is not that we delight in stories

or resort to them but rather that we are able to recognize

when we are participating in one. Then we have a choice.

Then we can be Free.

The Golden Light

Once there was a Golden Light...

The first time I met it, I was very small.

It tickled my nose and made me sneeze.

I laughed at its playfulness.

It became my friend.

Yes, the Golden Light warmed my back

and lightened my mind.

It stood beside me through everything.

It even introduced me to my Shadow.

I remember that day of becoming aware of my Shadow.

"It is a blessed part of this Earth Walk." said the Light.

"When you look at and feel your Shadow you must shine our

Love and Compassion toward and through it.

You must be open to receiving the teaching of the Shadow.

It will show you where you are blocked and stuck.

Then and only then can you make a conscious choice

to accept the Shadows darkness,

love it especially and allow it to be,..

allow it to be..."

The Golden Light, I have come to feel,

even in my darkest hours,

as a hand on my shoulder or a kiss

on top of my head.

It steadies my spirit in turbulent seas.

It, again and again, illuminates my true path.

It points to my Shadow when I am lost and confused.

Then I remember to hold up a moment, to embrace it,

my precious little Shadow.

Ha Ha, Yeah, sometimes I have to pick it up

dust it off and take it by the hand,

consciously with me, along the sacred path of Life.

I have come to realize THIS is being 'Whole',

accepting and loving my Shadow too.

You know, lately it just keeps changing,

evolving, I guess, in its own way.

I don't see it as much these days

but I am now always ready, when it appears,

to hold out a steady hand,

so that together,

we can walk in balance,

the beauty way.

The Golden Light within, helped me to see,

one of the greatest gifts of walking in balance

is that now I am able to accept the sacred purpose

of the Shadow in others, my brothers and sisters.

Thus, I now feel and know in my Heart,

the divine alchemy

that can only be realized,

after a conscious walk

with the Shadow.

Oneness

I remember we were face to face, not long ago.

I followed my fingers as they traveled along your lips to your cheek.

They found their way down the slope of your nose and gently under your eye.

I looked intently at the flesh before me,... feeling I had become part of the texture,..

life pulsing through the tissue ,.. through the cells. I realized, being completely present,

that we were breathing the same breath and that our hearts were beating the same beat.

And my God , I no longer felt separate from you. I had the experience of Oneness...

When I remember that, I don't miss you,.. cause you are not gone.

You are right Here in my Heart,.. Body,.. and Soul,... Now and Eternally.

Good Night Love.

The Art of Making Fire

He taught us how to make fire,..

two pieces of wood rubbed together,..

falling apart into sawdust,

friction,... some heat generated.

The dust turns dark, then a tiny bit of smoke,

a sure sign something is happening.

He carefully takes the smoking sawdust coal

places it gently in the middle of soft kindling.

Then I watched him with great attention

give his own loving breath

to grow the flame.

Ambrosial Moments

" Boy,.. ? "

Why call out? There is no longer a doorway... It's closed now.
Left only to visit are murky reflections that haunt...
What's behind the eyes? It's the inner doorway i am being oriented to.
I linger in the passageway,..
the soft purrs at my cheek keeping me a bit longer.
Here on the surface, my minds reprieve...

" Go In..." What's inside beckons me once again.

I stepped through yesterday, for a moment...
I was in a line of cars, engines whining, combusting,..
colored lights,.. signals,.. agendas,... directing.
Then in a twinkling i went to a place where nothing matters.

I was in this quiet Infinite Space,... at Peace.

Then an old lady driving in front of me pulled slightly over
and stood with her Dog in the street.
I passed her carefully then looped back, concerned.
In a twinkling, she and her Dog were back in and driving away.

Maybe,.. I pondered, my moment of being the Infinite Space,
where nothing matters, .. rippled out to reach her
and her Dogs consciousness.
Perhaps for a moment they were there too,
arriving there as I left from there, to observe them...

And i thought,.. maybe we are most 'Current' when
immersed and united
in the Infinite Space, where nothing matters,..
where there is only Love.

October 2nine, nineteen63. Please, let's get the nine fixed on this thing?!

So Anyway.

At some point in the next 12 hours I'll be 46 years...

4 +6 =10 That's suppose to mean something, hahahah!!!

Well, every year I choose to bestow a gift upon myself,..

Yes , every year since college...

This year I am being fully 'aware' of my being a receiver,

you know,.. kinda like the cactus receives the energy from the sun

and channels it down into Mother Earth,..

an open Hearted receiver...

This year and here- now,..forever after,.. hopefully,...'Aware'...

God,.. grant me the Serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,...

..."the Courage to change the things I can..

and the Wisdom to know the difference..."

This Moment

I wandered on and through,.. mindlessly.

I thought I heard the song... A distant memory shook loose from

the archives of my experience...

My teacher from a time long past is here to greet me...

"Pray tell ?" she asks....

He answers in a smile,..

caught up in the eyes that pierce into the soul,..

riding the waves of infinity,..

boundless current of Love freely given,

" Stay the Course,.. all the while,.. letting go..."

"Let Go..."

*KEEP ONLY THIS MOMENT*

What's Inside?

The wind is shifting, swirling around in all directions...
I know there is a purpose in all this. It is confusing and I do feel alone.
I am following my Heart and my intuition. That feels right.
I find a safe place within myself,..
like a building that has withstood much weather and many years.

I open the door to find it full of stuff I had stored there,.. for, I don't know, a long time.

I realize as I go to the piles and stacks that, my God ,

I have been carrying this around for so long I don't even notice it anymore.

I look at the room and you know, I just want a place to sit, to dance, to laugh and to cry.

So I examine what's inside. My body becomes soup of emotions,
that in time take wing into the sky getting smaller and smaller.

The stuff starts to disappear.
The room becomes empty.

I sit for a time and just feel the space, the emptiness...

Now I don't feel so alone in the space I have created for myself.

I paint rainbows and lots flowers,and some wild clouds.

There now I have a little table.

Got some sweet apple juice to share with you.

When you visit.

Treasures

True Love can neither be created or destroyed... It just is.
Somehow we apply our stories to 'Love' to make a rationale or a romance.
We say, "This is Love or that is Love", because certain conditions are met.

I say to you, Love is the space around and through everything.
Love is our teacher , our parent, our friend...
Sometimes we realize Love through an encounter with an enemy.
Love is a Spirit that lingers and caresses and is willing to met us in the pit.
It reveals itself, eyes wide open and eyes shut tight.
It expresses itself and enters through our conscious expansion,
doors of our Self that we open. Alas, It moves through the
doors long ago locked tight, although we may be unable to recognize it, in the moment.


Love is inseparable from Life Experience.
And in the darkest hour, if we are still enough and open enough,
this Love can be felt as an unchanging Comfort and Peace
that sits in the center of the Heart..

Forever Into Infinity

I saw a Turtledove peer down from the roof, toward the grapevine,..
withstanding the eager gaze of the cats below...

Then looking over I notice the Tree. I think about how it receives

from the world and its people. Its trunk firmly planted into the ground,

I watch its graceful delicate branches dance with the wind and I feel

how beautifully intimate this movement of breeze as it brushes the hair

across my face.

I remember all the times I was enveloped by that invisible touch, like the

gentile stroke of a loving Grandmother. I felt special to receive this loving adoration,..

even if it was invisible.

Thus, I was shown how to give a gentile touch to soothe an aching soul.

And I found myself moving, sort of unnoticed, swirling around the great Mother,

and then stopping at your bedside,...my friend...

I look upon your face and see a child of the Earth and Sky...

Ever so gently I lay down beside you to whisper words that will barely be heard

and perhaps not remembered,.. "I love you,..Forever into Infinity..."

My Heart beats out a steady rhythm of Truth...

I look over toward your eyes to find you sleeping,...

maybe dreaming of the kiss I place upon your forehead,..

"Good Night".

Infinite Wonder

The walk up the mountain stirs the soul...How far, I can see... And arms outstretched ,
with ease,.. do I fly...
I was thinking,... rather remembering, getting stuck in the ground,.. fixed into some
circumstance or idea with its accompanying feeling. Barely able to Breathe, much less move.

It is true that there was a purpose in all that,..the sort of forced stillness that leaves one stranded on the Island of Ones Own Body/Mind... or so it seemed...

And I felt the blessed tree reveal to me what being rooted and still is all about...
I felt the immense Love that poured forth from our gentle mother Earth,..through the molten
layers, up, up through into the soil and rock that understood the tree ,..Love that would enter the tree, to branch out,.. to receive the Sun,.. all expressed in this alchemical movement and Divine Love...

Vibration enters through my feet and my back to meet in the heart, where indeed it blossomed.
So,.. I realized that being stuck is an opportunity to be still and thus begin to feel, as the
expanded awareness evolves,..that in fact, this moment is a Gift...



8

Dream?

I had a dream I was in this enchanting place, standing alone among the stones,
everything welcoming.
I float to a nearby tree to witness me.
"Hmmm, where are you girl and who be hiding past the courtyard wall?"
She walks over to see the courtyard Guardians, standing straight, waiting...
The breeze lifts the shawl to capture the feel of Free," Yup that's me,.."says she, "Free."
Swirl,.. to dance the breeze along the wall of watchers...

Take me into the elements past the smells, sounds and feels,... to that place,..
where we may rest in amazement at what cannot be described,..
only listing into laughter and out again.
Cycles and swirls of being caught up in Odic reality...
How very familiar...

Tempt me with your offer of nothingness...
My Love, I delight in you sincerity...
I am enraptured in you truthfulness...
Come let us play.

The Web

To Weave or not to Weave?

To Be Freed

I held the box under my arm as I lay across the bow of the boat.

The memories drift slowly across my mind.

My Papa,.. all the times you made time to talk to me ,... to listen to me,..

to answer my questions. I thought you were like God, all knowing.

I watched you fast and sleep and snore. I remembered the smell,

the garlic aroma around your neck... I hold the box tighter.

Oh,.. the tears come and the smile of gratitude.

It has been 20 years since you departed.

Mom all the times we sat at the small round kitchen table

just looking into each others eyes.

Our talks always led to laughter.

You were the one who told me that we would never be apart from each other.

Yes, I keep you here,.. in my Heart... I look out over the Atlantic Ocean

and remember how you loved to sit and breathe the salt air

and watch the waves roll in to shore.

I learned to watch by watching you...

I love you more than the Moon and the Stars...

I love you more than little baby ducks and chocolate...

I love you more than laughter and sunshine and soft rain while I'm sleeping.

And I love you more, than the pain I feel when I realize I can never hold you again...

I see an airplane fly over head,.. Papa was a pilot...

Seconds later a butterfly riding the West Wind flys overhead...

Mom loved butterflies. I begin to loosen my grip,..

I push the heavy box to the edge and open.

I look at whats left, " ashes to ashes, ..dust to dust and into the deep ocean.

You are free,.. We are free."

Whats left courses through the wind,

through the light and enters the dark water...

I stand and return to the bow pulpit.

The clouds send messages through movement.

The rain comes... I knew it would ...

Nothing separates me from the Earth and Sky,..this moment.

The sea now ominous obsidian,..

like an abyss below me, calling out, " Come on, Jump In!"

Maybe now I will.

The seagull comes port side and is followed by a friend.

Myself receiving blessings from the rain,

watch them play in the air and then back to the sea to rest.

A third comes to frolic before the storm.

A trillion rain drops fall into the ocean, the tears I never could cry.

I feel Light and at Peace.

Goodbye my beloved, Mom and Papa.

Oh yeah and keep an eye out for my friend Count down there, ok?

Deep Within

Deep within the Heart there is a shack,..

and inside the shack there is a fortress...

Inside the fortress there is a basement...

On the floor of the basement,..

there is a seed...

Let us plant it.

On The Line

" What do you wish?... This moment, tell me your greatest desire..."

I want to hang the freshly washed white cloth on the clothes line,.. out back...

The wicker basket wedged between my arm and waist creaks with every step

as we approach the line and the golden sunbeams enter my eyes sending chills

through my spine.

The line stretches out before me. I take the first white cloth and shake out the twisted experience of being wrung out. There is a snap and a flicker that sails off into the air.

I smile, the intention is clear as I pin, " Start new... Start fresh..."

I let go and watch the line carry the vibrational dance of Freedom.

The elements converge to do their part. The wind swirls along and through.

The Sun radiates its energy and Truth.

The souls of my feet planted firmly in the Earth, my Spirit soars on the

Winds of Change. I am here and everywhere.

My Crow friend signals the cloth is ready.

"Yes?... Oh! Thanks!" I say as my dusty bare feet move

to bring my hand to the dancing new cloth.

I place it into the basket,.. but first

I hold it to my Heart,.. once again.

Enter-The Story

My son Will is an extraordinary boy/man. He is friendly, intuitive and creative.

He can make a friend anywhere, anytime. He also can make an enemy.

Some cannot stand his ease with a crowd and his light hearted joyfulness. They want

to prove something. I have watched Will deal with this scene about once a year.

He knows fighting is always a LAST resort. He is naturally a forgiver and a giver.

He is the one I like to be with when things go wrong, like a broken down car.

We find some shade and have the best time just hanging out waiting for a tow truck.

So,.. I listen to myself with amazement as I ( again) let him know sometimes we have to defend our loved ones and ourselves. It's quite entertaining or shocking because I slip into the 'bad ass' role to make my point clear. Bad language, lower jaw sticking out, taut musculature, I project into his direction, 'The Fighter'.

It feels like when I do this, I have to shut down my heart, my feeling center.

'The loss of innocence', I reflect. It seems to be part of the human condition... Enter-'The Story'.

Feel it, get to know it well. Learn the roles, learn the acts so that one fine day we may have the Joy of letting go of all of that and return to the Heart,.. clean things up, open the windows and breathe.

'Understanding' that only a broken, suffering Spirit would act out in such a way to bully or inflict harm on another or themselves is a valuable awareness. Yet I realize Life requires interaction, the sun to shine on, the rain to fall , mountains to climb, flowers to be pollenated, some wild fires, some controlled burns, storms to weather, a body unnaturally broken, a body naturally healing itself, lots of laughter, lots of tears.

If we are Awake in this Sacred Life then we feel all of these transient realities.

And then there is always the ultimate Truth that beyond the story line, Love and Light reign eternally.

Let it reign.

Ashes

The crows circled over as I sat outside. I have not seen this many in long time.

They have something important to talk about. I listen to their excited declarations...

It seems I have more in common with them. The souls of my feet assure me, I am in the right

place following a clever and tricky path.

"So August, with your warm temperament will YOU walk with me?" The leaves stir...I stand and walk to the lake past the tree weighted with perfect avocados. "I remember you all when you were just blossoms," I smile. I have watched them grow little by little, soaking up Light and Earth, expressing Life, not even knowing it. For all of my letting go I wonder if I too, like the blossoms, am soaking up Light and Earth. I go to the new apartment and am reminded of my life and my agendas, hahaha.

There is something truer happening to me.

It has felt like a dying, losing my patterns of being, my thought patterns, my desire to achieve anything. Ashes... The strange thing is,.. I am not depressed. I am at peace in this place of being.

So many years I have been 'Doing' something, trying to make things right. All those times I dusted myself off and picked myself back up...."keep going... keep moving..."

So recently being introduced to my Hearts door...I hesitated, sensing the profundity of the change in my life's direction...'IN'... Yes of all the places I have searched and pondered,..

THIS place,..My Heart Space is where Infinity resides... With careful consideration I begin to get comfortable...I begin to rest... You see, my Heart knows which box to open, which pain to touch and when. My Heart knows my passions as it knows my greatest fears. Yes, in this Eternal Heart Space I am Loved ... I AM LOVE...It has always been this way, a well kept secret... So then August stirs around my body and through my soul to say, "Welcome Home ... Love ... Welcome Home"

Climbing Higher

When the highest place we can go is the kitchen cabinets,..

just BE with that,..unconditionally....

* *