To Be Freed

I held the box under my arm as I lay across the bow of the boat.

The memories drift slowly across my mind.

My Papa,.. all the times you made time to talk to me ,... to listen to me,..

to answer my questions. I thought you were like God, all knowing.

I watched you fast and sleep and snore. I remembered the smell,

the garlic aroma around your neck... I hold the box tighter.

Oh,.. the tears come and the smile of gratitude.

It has been 20 years since you departed.

Mom all the times we sat at the small round kitchen table

just looking into each others eyes.

Our talks always led to laughter.

You were the one who told me that we would never be apart from each other.

Yes, I keep you here,.. in my Heart... I look out over the Atlantic Ocean

and remember how you loved to sit and breathe the salt air

and watch the waves roll in to shore.

I learned to watch by watching you...

I love you more than the Moon and the Stars...

I love you more than little baby ducks and chocolate...

I love you more than laughter and sunshine and soft rain while I'm sleeping.

And I love you more, than the pain I feel when I realize I can never hold you again...

I see an airplane fly over head,.. Papa was a pilot...

Seconds later a butterfly riding the West Wind flys overhead...

Mom loved butterflies. I begin to loosen my grip,..

I push the heavy box to the edge and open.

I look at whats left, " ashes to ashes, ..dust to dust and into the deep ocean.

You are free,.. We are free."

Whats left courses through the wind,

through the light and enters the dark water...

I stand and return to the bow pulpit.

The clouds send messages through movement.

The rain comes... I knew it would ...

Nothing separates me from the Earth and Sky,..this moment.

The sea now ominous obsidian,..

like an abyss below me, calling out, " Come on, Jump In!"

Maybe now I will.

The seagull comes port side and is followed by a friend.

Myself receiving blessings from the rain,

watch them play in the air and then back to the sea to rest.

A third comes to frolic before the storm.

A trillion rain drops fall into the ocean, the tears I never could cry.

I feel Light and at Peace.

Goodbye my beloved, Mom and Papa.

Oh yeah and keep an eye out for my friend Count down there, ok?

Deep Within

Deep within the Heart there is a shack,..

and inside the shack there is a fortress...

Inside the fortress there is a basement...

On the floor of the basement,..

there is a seed...

Let us plant it.

On The Line

" What do you wish?... This moment, tell me your greatest desire..."

I want to hang the freshly washed white cloth on the clothes line,.. out back...

The wicker basket wedged between my arm and waist creaks with every step

as we approach the line and the golden sunbeams enter my eyes sending chills

through my spine.

The line stretches out before me. I take the first white cloth and shake out the twisted experience of being wrung out. There is a snap and a flicker that sails off into the air.

I smile, the intention is clear as I pin, " Start new... Start fresh..."

I let go and watch the line carry the vibrational dance of Freedom.

The elements converge to do their part. The wind swirls along and through.

The Sun radiates its energy and Truth.

The souls of my feet planted firmly in the Earth, my Spirit soars on the

Winds of Change. I am here and everywhere.

My Crow friend signals the cloth is ready.

"Yes?... Oh! Thanks!" I say as my dusty bare feet move

to bring my hand to the dancing new cloth.

I place it into the basket,.. but first

I hold it to my Heart,.. once again.

Enter-The Story

My son Will is an extraordinary boy/man. He is friendly, intuitive and creative.

He can make a friend anywhere, anytime. He also can make an enemy.

Some cannot stand his ease with a crowd and his light hearted joyfulness. They want

to prove something. I have watched Will deal with this scene about once a year.

He knows fighting is always a LAST resort. He is naturally a forgiver and a giver.

He is the one I like to be with when things go wrong, like a broken down car.

We find some shade and have the best time just hanging out waiting for a tow truck.

So,.. I listen to myself with amazement as I ( again) let him know sometimes we have to defend our loved ones and ourselves. It's quite entertaining or shocking because I slip into the 'bad ass' role to make my point clear. Bad language, lower jaw sticking out, taut musculature, I project into his direction, 'The Fighter'.

It feels like when I do this, I have to shut down my heart, my feeling center.

'The loss of innocence', I reflect. It seems to be part of the human condition... Enter-'The Story'.

Feel it, get to know it well. Learn the roles, learn the acts so that one fine day we may have the Joy of letting go of all of that and return to the Heart,.. clean things up, open the windows and breathe.

'Understanding' that only a broken, suffering Spirit would act out in such a way to bully or inflict harm on another or themselves is a valuable awareness. Yet I realize Life requires interaction, the sun to shine on, the rain to fall , mountains to climb, flowers to be pollenated, some wild fires, some controlled burns, storms to weather, a body unnaturally broken, a body naturally healing itself, lots of laughter, lots of tears.

If we are Awake in this Sacred Life then we feel all of these transient realities.

And then there is always the ultimate Truth that beyond the story line, Love and Light reign eternally.

Let it reign.

Ashes

The crows circled over as I sat outside. I have not seen this many in long time.

They have something important to talk about. I listen to their excited declarations...

It seems I have more in common with them. The souls of my feet assure me, I am in the right

place following a clever and tricky path.

"So August, with your warm temperament will YOU walk with me?" The leaves stir...I stand and walk to the lake past the tree weighted with perfect avocados. "I remember you all when you were just blossoms," I smile. I have watched them grow little by little, soaking up Light and Earth, expressing Life, not even knowing it. For all of my letting go I wonder if I too, like the blossoms, am soaking up Light and Earth. I go to the new apartment and am reminded of my life and my agendas, hahaha.

There is something truer happening to me.

It has felt like a dying, losing my patterns of being, my thought patterns, my desire to achieve anything. Ashes... The strange thing is,.. I am not depressed. I am at peace in this place of being.

So many years I have been 'Doing' something, trying to make things right. All those times I dusted myself off and picked myself back up...."keep going... keep moving..."

So recently being introduced to my Hearts door...I hesitated, sensing the profundity of the change in my life's direction...'IN'... Yes of all the places I have searched and pondered,..

THIS place,..My Heart Space is where Infinity resides... With careful consideration I begin to get comfortable...I begin to rest... You see, my Heart knows which box to open, which pain to touch and when. My Heart knows my passions as it knows my greatest fears. Yes, in this Eternal Heart Space I am Loved ... I AM LOVE...It has always been this way, a well kept secret... So then August stirs around my body and through my soul to say, "Welcome Home ... Love ... Welcome Home"

Climbing Higher

When the highest place we can go is the kitchen cabinets,..

just BE with that,..unconditionally....

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